Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Feeling Isolated, Lonely and Disconnected?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Feeling Isolated, Lonely and Disconnected?

Written by Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Recovery Coach Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Recovery with Randi Fine

Are you feeling isolated, lonely, and disconnected after narcissistic abuse? This is perfectly normal and to be expected. If you are feeling this way and concerned about it, it may help to know that you have a great deal of company. Take comfort in knowing that every survivor going through narcissistic abuse recovery experiences these feelings in the beginning stages.

After coming out of a war zone, shell-shocked, disoriented, and confused, it is only natural to want to seek comfort, support, and validation from friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers. But then it is painfully disappointing to discover that those you counted on for support have turned their backs on you when you need them the most.

One or two people may stick by your side. Most will minimize the severity of the experiences you claim and impatiently tell you to “just get over it.” This leaves you wondering: how can people who claim to care about you disregard you this way? if the situation were reversed you would surely never turn away from them.

And so, after reaching out to people for support and being rejected, shamed, and blamed each time you do, you are driven further into solitude and silence.

Though the people who have let you down may seem heartless, their reactions are likely based on ignorance. Having never witnessed your abuse or seen your abuser’s true nature, it is nearly impossible for them to believe the outrageous stories you are telling them. In addition, they likely have no reference point regarding the traumatic effects of narcissistic abuse. Had the situation been reversed, without having personally witnessed this type of bizarre behavior, your reaction may have been the same. Nothing about narcissistic abuse makes sense to the logical mind.

Most assume that it takes two to make or break a relationship. This is a legitimate belief regarding legitimate relationships. Unfortunately, this is the standard you are being held to. But let me reassure you; there's absolutely nothing authentic, true, or wholesome about being in a relationship with a narcissist. Though it may appear to be a typical relationship, it is not. It is a predator/victim situation.

You entered into what you thought was an honest relationship with a sincere person. Had you known that the suitor was an imposter/actor/con, you would have not gotten involved or allowed yourself to be brainwashed and manipulated. Once sucked in, the campaign of abuse began you were trapped.

Once narcissistic abuse victims muster up enough courage to leave their abusers (or they are discarded) they are further punished through the vengeful narcissistic smear campaign. Flying monkeys are rounded up, lies are spread, and they are falsely blamed for the distress their abusers allege to be suffering. This assault campaign makes it nearly impossible for survivors to go about their normal daily routine. Furthermore, feeling triggered by everyone and everything, isolation seems to be the safest and only option.

An additional factor may contribute to the isolation of a narcissistic abuse survivor. Those with empathic sensitivity find the energy overload of the outside world impossible to bear, especially while trying to heal from their trauma. It is much less stressful to be alone.

Whether energetically sensitive or not, the emotional safety survivors feel when they are alone and unchallenged is a welcomed relief. While the rest of the world seems frightening and dangerous, home/solitude feels safe and secure.

The first stage of healing from narcissistic abuse can only occur in a bubble of protection; with no threats and no triggers. In this way, solitude serves an important purpose.

Allow yourself to bathe in the peace and calm of your solitude. Do not concern yourself with what others are thinking, saying, or doing. Take comfort in knowing that you are exactly where you need to be, for now. The time will come when you will feel ready to integrate yourself back into society. You don't have to force interactions with others until it feels natural to do so. Ignore the pressure people put on you. You have spent enough time succumbing to the requirements of others. It is time to love and care for you. You have earned the right to decide what is right or wrong for you.

Healing from the trauma of narcissistic abuse is your primary concern now. Prioritize yourself. Respect yourself. Trust your intuition. The outside world will just have to wait. You are in recovery.

Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and recovery coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, well-researched, and up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.