Are You Terrified At The Thought of
Divorcing Your Abusive Spouse?
Written by Randi Fine, Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Coach
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
It would seem as if the thought of having to terminate a relationship with a spouse who has lied to you, cheated on you, manipulated you, caused problems for you, disappointed you, made you feel terrible about yourself, had you living in a constant state of stress and fear, and possibly even isolated you would bring you a sense of great relief. So why doesn't it?
If the thought of divorcing your abusive spouse sickens and terrifies you, you are not alone. Everyone feels this way.
No one enters into marriage thinking it's a temporary situation. You married for life. You never expected to find yourself in such a painful dilemma. You have tried everything you could think of to make your marriage work, but nothing seems to help.
You relish crumbs of perceived love, respect or devotion from your spouse as if they are grand feasts, clinging to the hope that things will eventually get better. From time to time there may be glimmers of the person you believed you married, the person you thought loved you as much as you loved him/her. Understand this, narcissists are brilliant manipulators.
Narcissistic predators know that if they don't break up their constant campaign of abuse from time to time, their spouses will realize the truth of who they married. This is a tactic called intermittent reinforcement. Those glimmers are strategically placed in the middle of the torment they put their victims through to keep them confused and dependent.
The thought of leaving or divorcing your narcissistic spouse is terrifying when you don't know what to expect. You have been intimidated into believing that your spouse holds complete power over you--that you have none over him/her--and that your spouse will decimate you in a divorce.
The truth is that you have much more power and control than you have been conditioned to believe--that you can kick that monster to the curb and move on to a peaceful life of your choosing. You just have to know the right way to do it.
There is only one way to do this and get it right from the start. Choosing the right attorney--one who specializes in high-conflict divorce (not collaborative divorce) is critical. Experts who specialize in divorcing narcissists, who manage these situations daily with verifiable success, can help you choose the best lawyer for your needs, educate you, and prepare you for bumps in the road that will ultimately lead you to victory.
Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.