Narcissistic Mothers and Enabling Fathers
When Children Don't Stand a Chance
Written by Randi Fine, Narcissistic Abuse Expert
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
Narcissistic mothers do not have children for the right reasons. They are not nurturers. They have no maternal instincts or genuine love to give. To the narcissistic mother, children represent a captive narcissistic supply. Because a young child’s very survival is in her hands she expects to be the number one object of his or her complete adoration. She dismisses the fact that children have needs, anticipating that the constant flow of narcissistic supply she will receive in return will be the perfect trade off.
The narcissistic mother does not imagine that her children will be separate entities with needs of their own. But children do have individual needs and those needs can be quite demanding for any mother. They are especially overwhelming for a narcissistic mother who now finds she is giving way more than she is receiving. That is not what she bargained for.
The narcissistic mother becomes resentful of her children and their neediness. This resentment intensifies her already natural tendency toward abusive behavior. Someone is going to have to pay for her sorry situation. Her innocent children are her possessions, therefore she can do with them as she pleases. What pleases her is using them as scapegoats for everything that makes her feel unhappy or frustrated.
Any attempt made by the children to question her, defend their selves, or express their needs is met with terrifying narcissistic rage. Over time, with the same results occurring every time they challenge her in any way, the children learn that they must play by her rules. They are bullied into silence by fear.