Why There’s No Cohesiveness Among Siblings in a Narcissistic Family

Why There’s No Cohesiveness Among Siblings in a Narcissistic Family

Written by Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Recovery Coach Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

When you grow up with a narcissistic parent, the relationships between siblings rarely feel natural, trusting, or supportive. Instead of unity, there’s tension, jealousy, and distance. Many people wonder why there’s so little cohesiveness among siblings in a narcissistic family — and the truth is, this lack of connection isn’t accidental. It’s by design. Narcissistic parents create a family dynamic that serves their need for control, admiration, and dominance, even if it means destroying the bonds between their children.

Competition Over Connection

Narcissistic parents don’t foster teamwork; they fuel competition. They often assign roles — the golden child who can do no wrong and the scapegoat who can do nothing right. These roles keep the children in constant comparison and competition, vying for the parent’s approval. When love and acceptance are conditional, siblings learn to distrust one another rather than bond. The parent’s approval becomes the prize, and the relationship between siblings becomes collateral damage.

Triangulation and Manipulation

Another powerful tool narcissistic parents use is triangulation. They pit one child against another by spreading gossip, twisting truths, and sharing private information. “Your sister thinks she’s better than you,” or “Your brother doesn’t really care about you” — statements like these keep everyone off balance. In this emotional triangle, the narcissistic parent sits at the top as the puppet master, controlling the flow of attention and affection. The siblings, confused and mistrustful, never realize that the real enemy isn’t each other.

Conditional Love and Emotional Fragmentation

Children in narcissistic families quickly learn that love is conditional — based on compliance, performance, or admiration. Each child adapts by developing a unique survival role: the achiever, the rebel, the caretaker, or the invisible one. These roles may help the child cope with the narcissistic parent, but they also prevent genuine sibling connection. Everyone is too busy surviving in their own way to feel safe being real with each other.

Authenticity Isn’t Allowed

In narcissistic homes, authenticity is a threat. Vulnerability, empathy, or independent thought might trigger the parent’s rage, ridicule, or withdrawal. Over time, siblings stop sharing real feelings or opinions, because doing so feels dangerous. Communication becomes shallow or defensive, and genuine emotional intimacy never develops. Without the freedom to be authentic, true cohesion can’t exist.

Isolation and Emotional Alienation

Even though the siblings share the same dysfunctional parent, they often feel completely alone. The narcissistic parent isolates them emotionally — through guilt, favoritism, and comparison — ensuring that no united front ever forms. Each child ends up believing they are the problem, rather than recognizing the manipulative system they were born into. This isolation often carries into adulthood, leaving siblings estranged, resentful, or emotionally detached.

The Hard Truth

The lack of cohesiveness among siblings in a narcissistic family is not a reflection of the children’s character; it’s the inevitable result of the parent’s pathology. The narcissistic parent ensures that no one else becomes too close, too aware, or too powerful. Healing begins when you see this clearly — when you stop blaming yourself or your siblings and start recognizing the toxic system that shaped you all.

Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and recovery coach, and the author of the best-selling, groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, well-researched, and up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.