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Is Being Kind and Nice Working Against You?

Updated: Nov 17, 2022

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

We do all kinds of crazy sh*t because we want other people to like us. But when does being kind and nice help and when does it actually hurt us when it comes to our relationships?

Wanting to be liked becomes a problem when you’re continually acting how you think that other people expect or want you to in order to please them. But often there comes a time when trying to people please in this way actually hurts you and makes you a doormat instead of kind and magnetic. So when is being nice bad?

When You’re Consistently Not Getting Your Needs Met

If you bend over backwards over and over and never get anything in return, you’re acting like a doormat, not being nice.

When You’re Hoping That Someone Will Respond in a Certain Way to Your Acts of Kindness

While there should be give and take in any relationship, the sole reason that you give should never be so that you can get. Giving because you want to get is manipulation, not kindness. Lots of people who feel like they have to go this route for approval are doormats in disguise— subtly hoping to buy people’s affections while resenting them when they don’t get what they want out of the deal.

When You Start Feeling Resentful About Doing Nice Things

If you consistently feel taken advantage of, or if you truly feel like you don’t get anything in return for your “niceness,” it’s a sign to pull back and/or an indication that you aren’t standing up for yourself.

If You’ve Ever Asked Yourself Why No One Likes “Nice”

Bemoaning the idea that people don’t like “nice” is a real sign there’s a problem.

Here’s a hard truth. People— both genders— really DO like nice when