Essential Safety Tips For Avoiding Predators and Navigating the Modern Dating Landscape

Essential Safety Tips For Avoiding Predators and Navigating the Modern Dating Landscape

Written by Narcissistic Abuse Expert and Coach Randi Fine

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

Tips for avoiding predators in the modern world of dating.

In the digital age, where dating apps and websites dominate the matchmaking scene, it's crucial to prioritize safety when navigating the world of online dating. While online platforms offer convenience and the opportunity to meet a diverse range of people, they also come with certain risks.

Before meeting someone in person, take the time to research their online profile. Look for any inconsistencies in the information they provide and verify their identity through social media or other online platforms. Trust your instincts and proceed with caution if something feels off.

To ensure a safe and enjoyable modern dating experience, keep the following tips in mind.

Thirteen Modern Dating Mistakes to Avoid:

1. Do not have sex until you are in a healthy, committed relationship with the person. Sex complicates things and clouds perspective.  In addition:

   Statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have shown that adults over the age of 50 consistently represent around half of the population of those living with diagnosed HIV in the U.S. It may surprise you to know that the rates of sexually transmitted disease in older adults are rising. Older people who are sexually active may be at risk for diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, genital herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts and trichomoniasis.

2. Don’t date someone who is married or in the middle of divorce. Don’t trust what the person says. Verify the marital status.

3. Don’t date someone who admits to infidelity…ever.

4. Don’t have sex while legally married.

5. Don’t blindly trust or give the benefit of the doubt to anyone. Be cautious. In every situation life presents to us, trust must be earned. That takes time. Look carefully before you leap.

6. Don’t lead with conversations about breakups, divorce, or alienation. Listen more-talk less.  No diarrhea of the mouth. Don’t overshare.

7. Be independent. Don’t rely on the other person to pay for you. Drive yourself to and from dates. Keep dates casual: lunch dates, coffee

8. Don’t make decisions out of fear or desperation, and don’t ignore red flags. Trust your intuition. It is your most accurate truth teller.

9. Don’t rush into anything. Insist on taking things slow. Predatory suitors try to rush things along quickly, so you don’t have enough time to think things through and fact check. 

10. Don’t get swept off your feet. Predators can be very charming and charismatic when you first meet them. An engaging personality is not an indicator of your level of compatibility with that person, nor is it a predictor of the nature of your future relationship. In most cases it is the exact opposite. Resist the urge.

11. Don’t be overly compassionate and understanding. Predators often use tactics that soften your feelings and blind your judgment. Don’t fall for it.

12. Don’t lead with stories about break-ups, divorce, or alienation. Get to know the person before sharing these difficult and highly vulnerable aspects of your life.

13. Don’t bond with people over your trauma. Don’t bond to pain. You can’t heal someone else, and it’s best to keep things light.

    
    

There is no need to fear dating if you know what red flags to look out for. Predators are all motivated by the same end goal, and the tactics used to capture emotional hostages (relationships) are very similar. Some may be covert in their approach, some overt. If your previous partner primarily exhibited overt behavior, don’t assume you are safe with someone who exhibits a softer approach, and vice versa.

 

Eleven Dating Red Flags You Should Never Ignore:

1. Predators can be highly charming, charismatic, captivating, seductive, and exciting. That makes them very engaging and likeable. Don’t let that fool you. That is not who they really are. Enjoy it but do not let it influence you.

2. Predators like to move things along quickly. They cannot keep the ruse up for very long; it is an act; it is not their true nature.  Make it clear that you want to take things slow and then, no matter how much pressure they put on you or how amazing the love bombing feels, stick to your guns. If they cannot capture you quickly, they are likely to move on.

3. Predators will portray themselves as victims in every story or recollection they share. They do this for two reasons: they truly see themselves that way, and it garners compassion and sympathy from an intended target.  

4. Predators usually bash previous partners and represent themselves as victims of infidelity or abuse. They often portray them as substance abusers, alcoholics, or as being mentally ill. They grandly exaggerate the story or completely invent a new one. Nice, normal people do not act that way. Do not move forward with someone who does.

5. In the honeymoon stage, predators display fake personalities, though it is often hard to tell. They mirror the personality of whomever they intend to trap. They have an uncanny number of things in common; claim to like the same things the other people like and have the same opinions. They present themselves as the person's perfect match--their soul mate. Be wary of anyone who seems to match you on all levels.

6. Many predators say they love you before they even have a chance to get to know you. Some will say it before even meeting you. Don't fall for it. Recognize this warning sign and run the other way.

7. Predators know how to create intense chemistry between them and their targets. They set scenarios where intimacy can easily occur. Do not go to their home or bring them to yours until you are certain who you are dealing with. Do not cook dinner for them or allow them to cook dinner for you. Having sexual relations with a narcissist will bond you to him or her and create a chemical addiction in your brain. Once this happens you will be psychologically and emotionally hooked.

8. In the honeymoon stage, predators test their targets to see how forgiving, understanding, selfless and generous they are. They will usually do or say something hurtful or outrageous to see whether you will call them on it or let it go. Calling them on it demonstrates you have boundaries. Those with strong boundaries are useless to narcissists. Ignoring it, forgiving them, or showing compassion gives them the green light to move forward. They know they will be able to manipulate and control you.

9. Predators "interview" potential targets. They want to know everything about the person, their hopes, disappointments, dreams, goals. They gather this intel for two reasons-to create the specific persona they will use to trap him or her, and to learn about the person's vulnerabilities. Later, they will use these vulnerabilities to customize emotional and psychological abuse. To avoid this, talk in generalities or keep redirecting the conversation. Do not pour your soul out to anyone before you know and can thoroughly trust the person. Remember that trust takes time—often several months.

10. If you do not initially find the person appealing or are not attracted to him or her and then you suddenly believe you cannot live without that person, you have been brainwashed. This is not a normal response. Predators have the uncanny ability to brainwash innocent victims very quickly and put a "spell" on them. Recognize what is happening to you and put an end to it. Do it immediately. As time goes on it will become harder and harder to break away.

11. Much of what predators tell you are lies or fabrications. Listen for discrepancies and ask questions. Some things will not make sense. Don't try to fill in the gaps with assumptions. Think like a detective.

    
    

In the ever-evolving landscape of dating, prioritizing safety and well-being is paramount. By following these guidelines, you can navigate the world of online dating with confidence and minimize the risk of encountering predators or harmful individuals. Remember, a positive dating experience begins with ensuring your own safety and security.

Stay vigilant, trust your instincts, and enjoy the journey of meeting new people in 2024!

Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.