top of page

Narcissistic Abuse: How to Reclaim Control Over Your Life

kitten seeing lion in mirror

Narcissistic Abuse

How to Reclaim Control Over Your Life

Written by Randi Fine, Narcissistic Abuse Expert

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

You can reclaim control over your life after narcissistic abuse.

The lack of belief that you truly do hold dominion over your life keeps you fearful of the narcissist harassing you, re-entering your life, taking you to or back to court, and/or smearing your name. It causes you to fear life in general; feel as if something dark and dangerous is always looming that can turn your life upside down at any time. And it allows the narcissist, whether in your life or not, to continue commanding your thoughts and influencing your actions.

To give you a better perspective, let's talk briefly about who narcissists really are.

The 'false self' of those with narcissistic personality disorder is armor they wear to shield them from excruciating feelings of shame, inadequacy, and fragility. It is a manipulative tool used to alter other people’s perception of them. Having no true self-identity, they use this psychological construct to create different personas and disguises for each person they target. These roles are critical to their survival.

Forever in parasitic pursuit, they must steal the life force from emotional hostages through mind control, deception, and intimidation. Their lack of empathy and inconceivable ability to view others, not as people but mere objects, allows them to do whatever is necessary to fulfill this primal urge.

Without understanding the stimuli that drives narcissistic behavior and the complete acceptance of their nefarious intentions, we easily fall prey to them.

Narcissists cannot love us. They only want to feed on our life force. We are powerless to change them, powerless to negotiate and compromise with them, powerless to win an argument, and powerless to outfox and outmaneuver them.

They will never take responsibility for their actions, apologize, validate our experiences, or respect us. Though it feels personal, it is not. It is just the nature of the disorder. The choice to accept the behavior or reject it is entirely ours to make.

The reclamation of our lives, amidst the ongoing barrage of external violations narcissists subject us to, requires us to call on our inner strength; love who we are, feel good about who we are, treat ourselves with respect, and be fiercely determined to live our lives in peace. This requires challenging the limiting beliefs that have been programmed into our subconscious minds, and replacing them with positive dialogue and affirmations. The faster our inner dialogue changes the more motivated we will be to take our life back.

Don't waste precious years demanding justice, fairness, and equity from someone who has no motivation to accommodate you. If you get out with your sanity you have won.

Don't let fear influence your decisions. What you fear may or may not happen. If or when it does it may not be what you imagined. In the event that it materializes the way you envisioned, you will be equipped to deal with the situation.

The best advice that I can give you is to heal yourself completely from the trauma you've experienced. Narcissists condition victims through subconscious mind control. You have no idea what has been programmed into you or the extent of damage that has been done. You cannot simply move on from subconscious programming and hope it goes away. It will not. Though you will not be cognizant of it, it will continue running your life and influencing your choices long after the narcissist is out of your life.

A narcissistic abuse professional can help you do this. It is worth the small investment to free yourself forever from these constraints. Don't skimp here. The rest of your life depends on it.

Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.


bottom of page