Coping With the Judgment of the UninformedÂ
Written by Randi Fine , Narcissistic Abuse Expert
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
The process of making courageous decisions, ones that we feel are best for us or best under the circumstances, is not often easy. It may take an immense amount of weighing and soul searching to reach a conclusion. If you've ever suffered narcissistic abuse and tried to recover from it, you have no doubt experienced this.
While trying to heal, there are times when we make unpopular decisions that others disagree with; times when our decisions are met with judgment, hostility, and reprimanding. When these harsh, negative view points are projected upon us, difficult decisions are even harder to make, and even harder to be resolute about.
Feeling misunderstood we naturally begin defending our position only to find that the more we try to redeem ourselves or prove our point, the worse the situation seems to get. Our frustration is then misconstrued and we are accused of being hostile, unresolved, vindictive, cruel, or crazy. Without the acknowledgment of the intense process we must have undertaken before courageously making such a difficult choice, we are accused of making a rash or hurtful decision that must be rectified.
When called on their intrusive behavior and unsolicited opinions these people quickly re-frame their accusations as "loving concern" or “helpful advice," but we know better. We know how badly their words made us feel.
Though it feels personal it is not. Those who critique others this way often feel incomplete themselves, regretful about their past, or unresolved about their personal choices. They may not be courageous enough to soul search or face their own fears, as we have. Judging others is how they deflect their own pain or put off making difficult decisions.
Those who face their problems, who have experienced the process of making courageous decisions, tend to honor others who do the same. A life rooted in faith, love, and honor is one of compassion and acceptance; one that values and respects others for their intelligence, strength, and courage.
When our heart is in the right place, fear of judgment should never prevent us from making courageous decisions; difficult but necessary choices. We each live a unique reality. It does not matter what others think of us as long as we know we are living a genuine, honest, and loving life. In all our endeavors that is what truly matters.
Randi Fine is an internationally renowned narcissistic abuse expert and coach, and the author of the groundbreaking book Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery Second Edition, the most comprehensive, most well researched, and most up-to-date book on this subject. In addition to helping survivors recognize their abuse and heal from it, this book teaches mental health professionals how to recognize and properly treat the associated abuse syndrome. She is also the author of the official companion workbook Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: A Comprehensive Workbook for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. Randi Fine is the author of Cliffedge Road: A Memoir, the first and only book to characterize the life-long progression of complications caused by narcissistic child abuse.