Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine
The fear caused by abuse is an emotion that can stick with you during abuse and after the abusive relationship is over too. One of the hardest things to look at during or after an abusive relationship is the mental and emotional damage the abuse caused in us. We remember who we were before the abuse and may feel like a sad shell of that person after it. It is scary and heart-breaking. You may feel more defenseless, helpless and hopeless than before you knew your partner abused you. After all, now you fight your mind as well as the abuse your (ex) partner inflicts.
You will never change your partner. You are already their target for abuse, and once you are the target it is difficult if not impossible to change back into "you" in their eyes. However, you can change yourself. You can change your thoughts, your feelings, and the way your brain is wired. But remember, although "change" is something that can happen to you, if you want to heal from abuse, change must be something you DO.
Whether you're still in the abusive relationship or out of it, the idea of "doing" anything may seem overwhelming. You experienced trauma. Your emotions are worn out. Your brain hurts. Fear takes over your thoughts and feelings. You feel as if you've used all of your strength and can't do one more thing. Other people can do a lot to help you, but no one can take away the pain and fear but you.Your support network can stand beside you, encourage you, help you to grow. But they cannot do the hard work of changing you into the person you want to become.