Confusion and Disappointment of Love Addiction
(Codependency Part One)
written by Randi Fine
Have you ever believed that you could love someone enough to fix whatever is wrong in their life? Do you have the ability or tendency to deny and rationalize away the obvious truths about the object of your affection, believing that your love is powerful enough to change the person? If you answered yes to these questions you may be a relationship codependent.
Codependency is a loosely used word many of us have heard though few of us know what it means. In general, codependency is the relationship that exists between everyone and everything; a positive and necessary function of the human experience. But we rarely hear the word used in that context. When someone is referred to as codependent it usually indicates a disorder. In this article I will narrow it down ever further by focusing on a specific type of codependent disorder—relationship codependency.
Relationship codependency, also known as toxic love or the “White Knight” syndrome, is a debilitating psychological addiction to painful, frustrating, and unequal relationships. Those who suffer from it often seek out relationships with others who are unstable and irresponsible to satisfy their compulsive need to help, nurture, or control others. Before long they become enmeshed with the object of their affection and addicted to the hope, beyond all evidence or rational, that the person will change. I suffered from the crippling disorder for many years.
Those who have this addiction are often unaware that they have it. They do not understand that the chaos and pain that is so prevalent in their life is the result of their own dysfunctional behaviors. They do not see their responsibility in creating a life filled with heartbreaking confusion and disappointment.
In the early 1980’s I was married to a man who was a covert but incorrigible drug addict. My died-in-the-wool belief that “love conquers all” (the mantra of the relationship codependent), and my staunch determ